And he tells me...

"trust me."

It's a week before we're on completely opposite ends of the world. The initial excitement (more for me) of being in two places so far away, together, is wearing off. What comes next is disbelief, a certain state not unlike being suspended in one of those dejavu moments. It's always been that way. We always knew that things were going to head in this direction. I've known for months the exact date and time he was going to board that plane. But despite all these mental preparation, it still feels unreal. It never sinks in until we're in the moment itself. It's always been that way.

I'm scared. I'm unwilling to say goodbye to all the long night phone calls. I'm unwilling to say goodbye to the spontaneous smses in the middle of the day. I'm unwilling to be 14hrs ahead of him all the time. I'm scared, because even though we are apart now, we are managing fine- I cannot say the same for what is to come. I'm scared because we have to work things through from scratch again, and I know I will dislike the changes. I will miss him even more.

But it's easy to trust him. And that makes everything all better again.

"Don't be scared. Just trust me. I cannot be strong for myself, but I can be strong for you, I can be strong for us. You don't have to do anything, you just have to trust me. That's easy isn't it?"

he shines

Every time the boy is on stage, he shines. Even if I'm not able to be physically there to watch him perform, I know that he shines. Soon he will be off pursuing his interests and dreams, and I will be here, imagining, waiting, hoping. When he's surrounded by so many supporters, teachers, friends, family, people who enjoyed his playing, I am small. But I wait. I wait for him to see me, I wait for him to give me a familiar smile. I wait for his eyes to tell me that he's mine.

It's gotta be your turn someday

It's funny watching him write down an endless list of things to buy. It's funny watching him worry about his accommodation. It's funny watching him learn how to cook from my mum. It's funny watching him go through what I've been through one+ year back.

The roles have reversed, but better yet, I am now the guru because I know what it's like living far away from home.

We are not ready, but we're still going ahead with The Grand Plan.

A bit crazy? Maybe.